I wasn’t expecting the question, but when my wife asked it this weekend, it rocked my world.
I had mentioned that an old friend from college who I’ve lost touch with is battling a very serious and often fatal health issue.
We talked about how unfair it is, how young he is, and all of the things you usually say when you hear terrible news like that.
After a long pause, she asked me, “If you found out that your time was much more limited than you thought it was, what would you do differently?”
It was a question I had never really considered. Many of my family members have lived long lives, and I’m blessed with good health.
The first thing I said was that I’d move closer to our son.
Then, I answered that I might start spending more.
Though I’m in good financial shape, I’ve been a saver since I was 8 years old and an investor since I was 22. Old habits are hard to break, but if I knew I only had a short amount of time left, it would be time to change that mentality.
I also added that I wouldn’t retire.
That may sound strange to many people, but I’ve been fortunate to love my job here at The Oxford Club for the past 19 years.
You’ve likely heard the expression, “If you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life.”
That’s a load of bull. I work very hard. By the time the closing bell rings on Friday, I’m often wiped.
But I do love it. Investing and following the markets is challenging and stimulating. It’s like trying to solve a puzzle that constantly changes shape.
My job is also incredibly fulfilling.
Hearing from readers about how much I’ve alleviated their financial stress or how they’re going to send something I’ve written to their children or grandchildren is very meaningful.
So in the end, other than moving to a different state, I wouldn’t do much different.
Last week, I wrote about a friend’s mother who passed away at 107 and how her death got me thinking about money and whether I could afford to live that long.
Today, because of the news I received about my friend, I’m thinking about the opposite. What steps would someone need to take to ensure that if their time were up much sooner than expected, their wishes would be carried out?
Here are my suggestions.
1. You need a will.
A will is a must.
Probate is a pain in the rear, is expensive, and takes too long. And if there is a dispute, your assets could be tied up for years.
I have a friend whose parents didn’t have a will. He and his siblings have been battling over money, jewelry, collectibles, and junk.
It has been seven years since their mother died, and no one has received anything yet because they keep suing and countersuing each other.
If you can, be very clear who gets what. Money is easy to divide. Personal effects are harder. Spell out in clear terms who gets the engagement ring, the signed photo of Mickey Mantle, etc.
2. Get a health proxy and living will.
A health proxy is a legal document that allows someone else to make health decisions for you if you are unable to.
This isn’t something that’s just for old people or people facing serious illnesses.
We had both of our young adult children sign one so that if they’re in a situation where they can’t make a decision for themselves, someone they trust will.
A living will spells out specific steps you do and don’t want taken to preserve your life.
We’ve all heard horror stories of people who lingered too long because their family members were left to assume their wishes, leading to tension and huge financial costs for the family.
3. Take care of funeral arrangements now.
I’m guilty of avoiding this one − not because I’m afraid to face my own mortality, but because I just don’t know what I want.
Do I want to be buried where I live now? Would I rather be in the family plot where I grew up? Does that change if I move closer to my kids? I have to figure all these things out.
I’m fortunate that my parents set their funerals up decades ago.
When my dad died, my mom simply had to make one phone call to the funeral home, and everything was taken care of. My dad even sent me the eulogy he wanted me to read years earlier.
It made a tough time much easier.
Planning a funeral for a loved one can be very expensive and emotional. Doing it yourself ahead of time ensures your wishes will be followed and relieves your loved ones of having to make those choices when they’re already distressed.
Plan Ahead… You’ll Be Glad You Did
No one likes to think about the end.
But it’s important to do so if you want your family or heirs to be able to spend their time remembering you and supporting each other rather than trying to figure out what you wanted − or, worse, fighting over what they think you wanted.
Hi Marc,
I think that you are pretty much on target. Other than my work IRA I did not start investing until after I retired for good in 2017. As you can see, I too actively enjoyed my work in IT. I only left as now living in Boynton Beach was too far to travel to Mount Sinai Medical Center in Miami beach. Following your advice and other Oxford club writers, I have built up a portfolio of substantial wealth and do not feel that changing lifestyle would be needed no matter what. I am 80 years old and was diagnosed over 4 years ago with stage 4 lung cancer. I was just dealt another blow with a 4th stage kidney diagnosis in my liver, but my oncologist has a number of tricks up his sleeve, and I plan to be around for a long time. I do have a living trust and completed all funeral plans a few years back. I continue to be active in my investing and travel and one day hope to join you on one of the Oxford club trips.
My first disagreement with you is your living will. My Mom and Dad set up a living trust, and it was a breeze when they died 8 years apart. As a result, my wife and I did the same thing. If you can afford it, use a lawyer as we have every aspect of our estate in a binder and our kids have to do nothing except follow our wishes…. legally. I didn’t like the fast-track option you have online for a trust. Just remember like with all legal documents to alter it whenever you make a large purchase (i.e. Car, 2nd home, etc.).
I agree with all the items you mentioned while answering what you would do different. I would like to add a couple of items. I would look at the beneficiaries on all my bank and investment accounts to make sure that they are the ones I want to be my beneficiaries. Second, for real estate properties, I would prepare Transfer of Title on Death so the title is transferred to whoever I choose. This varies by the state. It is easy to change it if needed. If your bank allows beneficiaries on safe deposit boxes, I would make sure to specify or update the list. I would also create a Living Trust so my assets are disbursed as I want them to be disbursed. That’s all for now.
Excellent suggestions. Thanks for posting them.
Marc – I think you are spot on with your comments about what you would do. Your advice is excellent. I love hearing from you
I’d finish getting my affairs in order as you suggest and I would travel to places I’ve always wanted to visit. I’d figure out a way to say a special good-bye to each friend and family member I cared deeply about. I’d give away all my belongings, particularly to those I thought would appreciate them.
I’m somewhat disabled, so changing much would be a problem… however, I’m not concerned @funeral…donated body to science
Is a living will similar to a living irrevocable trust? I think about that question all the time. But better to be ready just in case because you never know!
Probably spend more . My children are close by so that is not a problem. All proper estate documents are taken care of along with funeral costs. Play more golf, hockey, travel Live your BEST life!!!
My husband & I both agree that we want to leave it up to the survivors to decide what to do. We won’t care. But it may be meaningful for our daughter to do something. We just want to be sure there’s enough to cover what the surviving spouse or child wants to do.
Last year in Las Vegas I gave Rachel 3 copies of a book called “About Me” written by Bob Kabacy. That book fits hand-n-glove with this article. The demographics of the Oxford Club members would be well served with a copy of that book. It helps with planning. It helps with finances. It steers the reader in the right direction towards estate planning. It’s a very good planning tool to help people get everything they should have in the right place in case there is a family emergency. I also like the fact that it is a hard bound book. That way the information is protected from online hackers. I hope Rachel has shared this book with you. I gave her 3 copies so that she could pass them on to you, Alex and Dr. Skousen. I hope you’ve had a chance to look at them and I hope you mention the book to your readers, It’s available on Amazon.
tempus fugit momento mori time flies, remember death. In other words prepare now because the future is not something we see until it arrives. My wife and I put our affairs in order many years ago. All the children (now adults) know their parts and responsibilities upon our deaths. Life becomes something to live. I’d say I’d be much more critical of how I spend my days, striving to enrich my life and others in what I do.
You brought up some very good points, especially the one about planning your funeral. When we did this about a year ago (I am 90) we were also concerned about where to be buried as we have no children in the area and if I died, my wife would move to another state to be near one of our children. We debated whether to buy a burial lot and then I found out that as a veteran, both my wife and I could be buried in a national cemetery near where ever we were living at no cost. Just saved several thousand dollars.